One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
