She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
