I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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