i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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