took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
