I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
