he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
