My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
