I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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