Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
