Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
