So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
