No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and she was petting her beer can
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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