i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
