we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
