3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
