Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I touched a dick in church today
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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