Only a mothe r could love this liver
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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