dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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