so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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