He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
