I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he fucked my hip out of place.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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