he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
