Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
