i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
