i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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