so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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