my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
