My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize