Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize