If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
