soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
