I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We are two peas in an std pod
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
