I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize