I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize