I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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