My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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