i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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