What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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