I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
