i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
