he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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