I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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