I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i think i just lost a toe
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
