Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
