There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize