Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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