That's when you crack a 10am beer
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
