thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
