She is in my trunk
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
