I hate all girls vehemently.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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