I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
