mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
