either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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