who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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