M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
