I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
