You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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