If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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