Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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