she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
