OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
