I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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