Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I touched a dick in church today
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
