Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
