Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
