I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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