Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
