is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
