Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize