I want to walk on stilts...naked
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
