What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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