Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
