she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
