I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I need a beard to bite.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
