i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
