She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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