I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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