so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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