You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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