I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am one with the molecules
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
