I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
