He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
