he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
