Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
