It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
