Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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