He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
